A Selfologist Against Himself
Sunday, May 30
I should have a Merlin too, just like king Arthur in "The sword in the stone", a life educator who can tell me more about the beauty and softness of this world the peace and the quite and the whole things in the backstage.
To show me that if there is a high there is a low and if there is a stop there is a go..
patience and Merlin?!! Any sort of link?!
She looks as soft as this shot, I can feel the word soft and the world soft, the fog and the water and the young greens...
Friday, May 28
Thursday, May 27
Maybe I did wrong but I really don't know. I feel guilty and wanna run away. She looks great and I know it but I don't know how can I deal with such a greatness and gracefulness, I feel lonely and tired, How can I ignore her eyes when they are shining and it's light covers the whole I have and deeply touch me, How lovely a girl could be?! She is twinkling in my heart just like a unique star in a dark night sky,
"How I wonder what you are"
too thirsty to just once again gaze directly at her eyes and feel nothing except drowning in an unknown zone.
I'm so more fragile than you are gradually breaking me, please...
I feel the fear, maybe I'm not in love?! The fear and love, together?!
teach me flying, your eyes can fly everyone... Please...
Wednesday, May 26
Awfully hard and unbelievable depression, I haven't ever experienced it till now in my whole life, I feel down and bad.
I'm just like a stone standing over here gazing at the wall and wanted to be a wall stone, because there should be a place with more calm and quite.
Tuesday, May 25
My great teacher has told me to write a story, but in concrete and so touchable and she means so descriptive,
I'm thinking about stories and their flowing in our daily life,
thinking about the stories that they have filled all my mind,
stories about OTHERS and stories about MYSELF, they are real and all over around I can see them and they flow from my tongue, like a stream water rolling down,
I recall my dialogs and communications with my OTHERS and they are full of stories, stories that I've made or the stories that I have heard, and they are making each other and goes down in our souls like water find it's way down to the earth, like glue that gradually stick our souls together,
Monday, May 24
How I wonder what you are
Up above the world so high
Like a diamond in the sky
Sunday, May 23
Just like a stormy sea in the heart of a night, the crash sound of the angry waves wailing at you and the fears comes up toward every one of us, sitting in the boat and feel the hits of the water when it wants to turn the whole boat over, there is no light that can make the things clear, we just hear and feel, we are blind ones over there...
Or: waiting for someone so important for me, standing over the window, look through a long road and wish there was something appearing in far away, thinking about her and her beauty and her eyes and the way she will come, and walking and walking and waiting ...
Monday, May 17
Sunday, May 16
"instead of looking for the water, get more thirsty
sometime the water will come toward you like a stream"
rumi's said that involved me so much and made me fly through the inside to find so more.
I'm thirsty to be thirsty.
Friday, May 14
There are lots of things happening around me and definitely it shows that there are lots of things happening inside; cause I'm building the outside world through the inside.
but I can't express it, I don't know why?! I tried so much, I open up this page so more, but you know what?! It's so tough to me to express it, comes to me like a web and this huge web cannot be shown as a whole.
I wish I could be more thirsty...
Fairy! There are times that I recall your voice, I wish your moments could be like a moments of raining.
Friday, May 7
This is for you, Gufona, any sort of inspiration? Think about it and then tell me! what does it remind you and how's the feeling, memories you had, gaze at it and live the photo!! Find your self in it!
Saturday, May 1
The whole process that I took for my journey, seems so hard and tough, as hard as a stone, as hard as a mountain, as untouchable as blue sky for the human without flying machine, as far as the end of a vast desert, as dark as a night without moon...
but they are just a moment, and what a moment it can be!.., if I can tolerate the moment I can get what I want.
it would be better if I call them moments, they come toward us to test us for being prepare of change, someone (I don't know who?! Some of us call him God) shows us the fantastic view of change and then wait for us to cost for that view and it's greatness and sweatiness, and we wait for the chance that we could be given, and the chance is that moment I told you, in that moment the whole gloominess is trying to erase that fantastic and great view of change and tell us that they are nothing, if we can pass the moment, we are the winner.....
I wish I can pass some of them to get a new life