A Selfologist Against Himself
Monday, December 20
 
flight

 
I need a flight
I need it so tight
like a futher's light
like a moon's bright
in a sky's white
I need a sight
to get the height
to go up right
in my dream's kite
I need a sun's light
I need a sun's bright

I'm in fight
in day and night
with all my might
to get as much light
to be so white

I'm in fight
that's so tight
I want to climb a white
and say I'm not
in any fight
I don't want to fight
I want to be a light
I want to be a kite
I need a flight


Saturday, December 18
 
It's mine. me myself want to get deeper and more inside, I want to find myself again and again

Sunday, December 12
 
I saw my dad
he seemed so glad
but inside
he was so sad

it was just a glance, I was sitting aside, hearing same, my shiny little sister, was trying to break her fingers against human order! And make sounds out of 2 pieces of wood, we Iranian call Santoor.. Dad was staring and carefully listening to her, I saw him, he was laughing but I felt this time he wasn't glad enough to laugh.
I can't say "why", I don't like to say "because", but what I know is this time I was seeing him in a different window, I was thinking about him when I was feeling him. I was thinking about him when I felt guilty in all over the life I had, when I felt, I was the one who should stop himself during the whole facing times!
sometimes I feel totally lost, this time is one of them.
Vivaldi is trying to convince me how cold outside is, but I can feel the teasing wind inside too, I wish someday
I could be free
I could smell the rain,
I could feel the fall,
I could fly against the wall...

 
nothing left,
that's why I'm here I want to seek for nothing,
nothing
nothing


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